This was a note left for me from my roommates friend. I’m dying right now.

“Dear Amanda Rene… It is possible that I might have released my inner matter/jelly like fluids on or in the vicinity of your personal belongings. Further details will come to function when I stop crying due to last nights activities. Please do not be frightened. Everything will be okay after I get through touching everything in your refrigerator. By the way, was that your mix CD in the CD player? It reminds me of 2002 when I was 38 years young and I was engaged to my niece. She now resides in southern Oklahoma. It is gorgeous this time of year over there. I’m saddened by the fact I have to cut this short, but Faye said if I do no disperse she will notify the authorities. Goodbye for now my love. Xxxooo Ps just in case”

After “just in case” there was an arrow pointing to lysol wipes.